A video has caught my attention perhaps because of my situation. Yes, I am curious about surrogacy. I think this is one of the subjects in our global society which is still considered as a taboo and most of the people (especially religiously categorized individuals) may condemn this way of having a child due to some unfamiliar and diversified natural way of conceiving birth.
I’m in my mid 30’s and married. I met my wonderful husband back in year 2008 and we have tied the knot and furnished our vows with each other in year 2015. Our marriage is about 4 years now and continuously growing in the help of our Almighty God. At this point of our marriage, we have been trying to conceive and praying, hoping to be parents one day. At first, for me, it was a normal 8-minute YouTube video about surrogacy in India until I saw some of the comments from various spectators. This has inspired to write my views about surrogacy and the said video.
Most of the comments are fiercely and hate feedback to the husband; questioning his incompetence way of living as a man of the family. Other comments condemn surrogacy itself. I admit, that I have stopped reading comments because somehow, I felt that 99% of the viewers interpreted the video as an abuse to the wife. The husband is the main key of this abuse, and surrogacy is beyond acceptable of having a child.
As for me, the video itself is limited because it only gives us a preview of what surrogacy is. The host herself said no one really wants to speak about it in front of the camera. Therefore, having limited first-hand information is a big challenge for their team. On the brighter side, I think that they have done a good job in featuring one of the families which sort to this process as an option for a living and had shared their emotional experience about it.
Surrogacy is something unusual to our common society might be it locally or globally. Most of the people are uneducated about it hence they do not agree on it. In my opinion, we should educate ourselves first before even judging others especially people who were, are, and planning to be part of it.
I am neutral about surrogacy. In my belief all things have pros and cons in and with it. Too much and or too less of something is unacceptable. Yes, we must consider a lot of factors which comes with surrogacy. I will not disagree that some, especially in commercial industry can and may already have abused this service due to its monetary competencies. Likewise, poor families may consider this and already have done this service as shown in the video as a means of livelihood. Couples who desperately wanted to be parents sorted to this way of conceiving. Balancing the positive and negative is a key rather than giving out too much hatred and nonconstructive opinion.
I admit, I felt bad for the husband because of the adverse comments of the viewers in the video about him. They have used his own action and words against him. Viewers has judged his personality and his way of living. They have misinterpreted how he has treated his wife. They maybe correct, they maybe wrong. The story of the video is about Surrogacy, not about the man, not about his walkabouts. It has a restricted information about him and his family. We don’t know his main source of living, we don’t have an idea what the man is really doing behind the camera. Then why do we need to judge the man and condemned his decision of convincing his wife to be a surrogate mother and have her womb be rented to earn money.
Why are we questioning the man instead of questioning ourselves; what can I do for his family? Can I provide for them? Can I help them in their life-living adversary? What can I do to help the man and perhaps for him to have a better income? There are things that we should ask ourselves first rather than judging the man through this short-filmed video. I have seen that the man is happy and proud of his wife’s bravery. Yes, part of the monies his wife earned in their first surrogacy experience were the house and a community altar. How can we have the right to judge him when he wanted to have a better home for his family and kid? Why are we questioning how he spent his wife’s hard-earned money when we have not provided this to them? We can rather contemplate and be thankful, the man has agreed to share his family experience to us public and learn from it instead of mocking him.
I admit, I felt sadness, annoyance, and encouraged from the wife.
Sadness because I understood that she had limited options in terms of decision making. It appeared that she was forcibly agreed to this mechanism by her husband. I am sad because she denunciated poverty and herself hence came up with such agreement of surrogacy. I am sad because I and her are one as a woman. I am a woman. As a woman we must be strong and brave to learn and gain knowledge, to see positivity amidst chaos so we can act accordingly. Poverty, hardship and lack of support is always there in life, thus question is, how are we going to deal poverty, hardship and lack of support as a woman, as a wife, as a mother, as an individual of this sundry society. Blaming such circumstances is not significant but allowing one-self to grow is vital. At one point, it was a conjugal decision hence it’s a conjugal accountability.
I was really annoyed because somehow, I felt like she played victim rather than being blessed because apparently, she had helped other people who dreadfully wanting to be parents and wanting to have a child but for certain personal or medical issues they are constraint. I considered her as a hero for the couple who will have the child from her womb. I know the feeling because I want to be a parent. The emotions behind of wanting to be a parent is very intimidating and heart breaking in a way that if it is not handled properly; traumatic stress and depression can be a result. Then why is she playing victim when she had helped and continuously helping others? and the most viewers missed to see this.
I am thankful from the wife as I felt encouraged as a woman. I have seen the determination and patience from her as wife and mother. Yes, she agreed to be a surrogate mother to provide for their son’s and technically, she is giving away her other child whom she had brought up for 9 months in her womb. Her determination to provide for her son has inspired me to be a better woman in my time of becoming a mother in the future alongside of being a wife. I may not be in her position, but I understand the feeling of providing to your own family and battle against life’s errands. I admire her patience being away from her family and patience of keeping up of being pregnant for her child. Both emotional and physical trauma cannot beat her; she handled them with hopes and aspirations.
As a conclusion, surrogacy is something we must look at and learn. Again, balancing the pros and cons will help us and others whom considering this, to decide in the future. I cannot say it’s bad since medically speaking it helps people in need, it is an advancement in our health care industry while religiously speaking I believe that God has allowed and vested man to gain this kind of knowledge and learn how to process this as an instrument to help others in need and promotes life. I cannot say it is good because I know in a way, there are people who use this to gain much than expected and may abuse others in need for personal advancement. It should be dealt accordingly with moral and religious values depending one’s preferences. It should always be a win-win situation. I hope that in the future, more individuals will be sensitive on this subject instead of being oblivious and only view it the way they wanted to view surrogacy.